Those of you whose parents are at the age
where a nursing home is being considered as an option for their care may
just want to pay attention to the results of a recent study led by the
University of California San Francisco (UCSF).  It compares the staffing and quality of care at for-profit nursing homes with that of non-profit facilities.

Inventor Spot – Inventions, Innovations, and Interesting Ideas for the Inventor in All of Us

Spartacus has long been one of the most famous figures of the ancient world. A Thracian gladiator with a gift for leadership, he led a huge revolt against Rome at the height of its power.
Hotfile Filesonic and Fileserve Free Full Downloads – WorldsDown

Once again, Rep. Kristi Noem is surprised by reality. This time, it’s South Dakota’s highest-in-the-nation percentage of new college graduates carrying student loan debt: Seventy-five percent of South Dakota students in the graduating class of 2010 had student loan debt after college, according to the survey, an initiative of the nonprofit independent research organization Institute [...]
Madville Times

Back in September, some agitators bearing the faint scent of Birch published the “South Dakota Freedom Index,” an attempt to score South Dakota’s state legislators by their fidelity to “freedom” on ten key votes during the 2011 Legislative Session. That scorecard concluded that Republican stalwarts like Senators Larry Tidemann, Dan Lederman, and Al Novstrup don’t [...]
Madville Times

The ‘greatest game of all-time’ contention is something that cannot be taken lightly, and a debate that we have often here at Gamer’s Guide to Life.com.

Whilst the subject matter can spawn discussion on almost any game ever made, Final Fantasy VI and Chrono Trigger always seem to come up toward the top; right where they should be. Now, I’m not here to tell you which is better than which, but I’m fairly certain that Final Fantasy didn’t stop at its second game, right?

That’s what I thought.

Back in the nineties – or, as it is better known, the golden age of the RPG – the sheer might that Squaresoft held could not be denied. They were the company which could turn an emaciated goat into a stalwart knight, a rotten pineapple into a succulent steak, a worse-for-wear trainer into a hand-cannon. They were the people who lived in a shining fortress of awesome, surrounded by their unfathomable numbers of die-hard fans. You probably get it, but Square could do no wrong and, thus, Final Fantasy VI and Chrono Trigger were born.

Undoubtedly, both titles are known far and wide for their incredible gameplay and unrivaled soundtracks. The art, stories; everything about these games illuminates the darkest of corners, but I’m not here to tell you about how both of these games deserve the spotlight. Actually, I’m here to make a case against my fellow writer, Andrew Testerman, who claims that Chrono Trigger is Final Fantasy VI‘s superior in every way.

This view cannot pass.

Final Fantasy VI was a landmark for the critically-acclaimed series, as it’s responsible for paving the way for the rest of the games – most notably Final Fantasy VII. While that game garners the majority of popular praise, rest assured that it would never have been the same without the cool-and-collected Final Fantasy VI at its heels. Final Fantasy VI also came out before Chrono Trigger, and still manages to contain depth that the games of today – including Chrono Trigger – struggle to implement.

Here’s exactly ten reasons why the sixth installment of the Final Fantasy name is miles better than Chrono-whatever.

1: Espers

The Espers are the magical entities that make exploring the world of Final Fantasy VI such a blast. These creatures are living and breathing just like any character, but they boast unique magical powers that they bestow upon you by turning into an enchanted stone, called ‘Magicite’. Some stones will simply be given to you, but there are plenty of others that must be found and/or earned before you can reap their benefits. It might all sound complicated, but once you get these little stones you can equip one to each character, which will teach you specific magical abilities, alongside providing special bonuses for levelling. With that said, you can also summon said Esper into battle. Depending on which you summon, the creature will perform either a devastating attack or a beneficial power upon your party.

What can you summon in Chrono Trigger? Not a goddamned thing.

2: The cast

Final Fantasy VI has a sprawling cast and is composed of exactly fourteen characters. These characters are all permanent, meaning you have many options at any juncture of the game. More importantly, though, these characters aren’t faceless goons with the personality of a piece of sandpaper; every single person on the roster has a history, personality and emotional dialogue that will affect you throughout the course of the game. To this day, there has never been a cast this large in an RPG whilst simultaneously introducing characters you actually care and want to know more about (with perhaps the exception of Mass Effect 2).

What would you rather have; the measly seven characters that Chrono Trigger puts up? Sure, Frog is an interesting guy, with his heal requiring him to lick his friends and all. That’s friggin’ gross. Why not trade him for someone like Edgar Figaro, who uses some kind of steam chainsaw that has the ability to insta-kill enemies? Oh, and did I mention that when this chance comes up, he also throws on a Jason Vorhees mask? Final Fantasy VI is the clear winner here.

3: The music

Alright, alright: the music that both games boast is out of this world, but there’s only one guy who can make a half-an-hour end theme sound this good. That man is Nobuo Uematsu, and he’s responsible for these harmonious noises, and perhaps the best theme song of all-time. No kidding here. I mean, the man has his own rock band – The Black Mages – that recreates the music from the entire series. If you haven’t had a chance to check out all three of their albums, I suggest doing so right after you’re done reading this here article.

4: The world

Like most RPGs of its time, Final Fantasy VI has a sprawling world available for you to explore, with loads of hidden environments, characters and some unreal super-secret items. The game’s steampunk style also adds some flavour that really captivates the essence of that fictional time-period. One should also note that the game opens up even more once you reach the halfway point. I really don’t want to spoil what happens, but let’s just say that the face of the world changes forever. Regardless, the best part is that there’s always something for you to do, and when it’s all over or nearing the end, you can go exploring and find hours upon hours of extra content that you never knew existed.

5: Limit Breaks – Desperation Attacks

One of the staples of Final Fantasy is the over-the-top and extremely flashy Limit Break manoeuvres made popular by Final Fantasy VII. Final Fantasy VI pioneered these Limit Breaks, by way of the Desperation Attack. Yeah, it isn’t nearly as great as the stuff found in the other titles, but they are certainly satisfying to watch. Unlike the Limit Break systems you might know – getting hit to build a meter – Final Fantasy VI characters only perform these devastating attacks at very low health. There’s no prompt or warning, a character will just jump up, perform his insane move, your jaw hits the floor, then you continue playing, wondering what the hell just happened.

So while you’re putting ice on someone’s sword or combining some weird shadow magic with rocks, just remember one thing; Final Fantasy VI created these lunatic attacks.

6: Evil enemies

The main antagonist of Final Fantasy VI is the psychotic, magic-addict clown called Kefka. Compared to the Magus and Lavos threat in Chrono Trigger, Kefka quite simply makes them look all sorts of stupid. Much like the Joker in the Batman series, this guy is evil simply because he wants to be; there’s no other reason. Poisoning a stream to kill off an entire castle of people because you felt like it? He totally did. Consuming the essence of the Espers, killing them in the process for your own benefit? He’s totally there. Once you play the game and see what this ‘man’ is capable of, you’ll have no choice but to agree with me.

7: The opening scene

Words cannot describe the (unfortunately, I have to use this terribly trite word) epic nature of this cinematic. One must bear witness to such treasures so that the mind can understand it.

8: Choices

When you’re making a difficult decision whilst playing your latest game on your new console, bear in mind that the sort of choices you’re making actually came from a game like Final Fantasy VI in the beginning. With such a robust cast of characters, there are times in this game where you embark upon tactical gameplay which consists entirely of you forming up parties and fighting. Who you choose to bring with you, where you go and what you do can – and will – affect the outcome of the scenario and the game itself. If you’re not careful, there are characters you’ll never meet and people who you’ve grown close to who might just up and die. 1994 was certainly a good time for video games.

9: Battle Scenarios

Chrono Trigger has the advantage of real-time monster fighting goodness, but there’s something about Final Fantasy VI‘s style that cannot be denied. The way the game sets itself up makes the random combat not quite as frustrating as it definitely could be. Sure, you could find it annoying at times, but the combat itself more than makes up for it. With the host of Relics, magical abilities and powerful weapons available, you can create battle scenarios that your friends might never have even tried. Yes, the monsters are static images, unlike Chrono Trigger‘s fully-animated monster things. But damn, those images sure do look good.

10: Ultros

You know him, you love him, and he’s totally an octopus. This guy follows you around for most of the game, causing headaches as well as humour when you least expect it. Man, I love this guy. Who does Chrono Trigger have? Maybe Robo? But I’m not dealing with that Rick Astley theme-song copying mess. Trust me on this one.

So, there you have it; ten perfectly legitimate reasons why Final Fantasy VI is the superior game. And, whilst I’m an avid defender of the greatness that is Final Fantasy VI, please don’t miss out on Chrono Trigger either. The game is damn good.

Just not as good as Final Fantasy VI.

Gamer’s Guide to Life.com | we.know.games

The preliminary peek at skills and talents for MoP have been revealed. And I just had to get this out before the weekend. (Happy Turkey Day tomorrow!)

Of course, I looked at the mage stuff first.

Polymorph turkey?!?!?!

That might, just might, break my code of being a polymorph sheep purist. Maybe. I think it will amuse me.

For the most part, the mage stuff didn’t strike me as odd. There are a couple OICWUTUDIDTHAR points, but for the most part nothing struck me as weird or crazy. Maybe I’m not looking close enough. Not quite sure how Arcane Missiles will work, but I probably just need to look closer and I’ll beat the mage portion of this topic to death another day. I think I may be holding out to pay more attention after the devs have been yelled at for doing it wrong and have had a chance to tighten up the design a bit.

Now the priesty stuff… there were some items that caught my eye. (You can check out the priest trees here.)

If you’re not familiar with the new model going forward in Mists of Panderia (anyone else keep wanting to spell it as Mysts?), is that you get certain things just for being your class. These are basic abilities that, when offered low enough in the talents trees of today, everyone took. Then you get spiffy stuff based on your spec selection. And then you get a talent choice every 15 levels. These are more utility-oriented and are not supposed to have a significant impact on output. These are the things you take because they look cool and fit your playstyle.

Yes, there will be optimal talent selections for different encounters, but they’ve mentioned that we should be able to shift talents as easily as we shift glyphs today.

There’s a lot of babble about the talents, but not too many people are  paying attention to the core skills.

So let’s start with what we get as a leveling disc priest:

Level 1

Weapon skills for daggers, 1-H maces, staves, and wands (remember that they are doing away with the shoot/relic slot and wands are becoming a mainhand weapon)

Armor skill for cloth (duh)

Dark Thoughts – Passive ability that reduces pushback from damage by 70% for shadow spells

Holy Focus – Same as Dark Thoughts but for Holy and Discipline spells

Smite – Damage

Level 3

SW: Pain – DoT

Level 5

PW: Shield – Absorption

Level 7

Flash Heal – WTF? Priests can’t heal until level 7? With the way the “cradle” (starting areas) have been nerfed to the ground, this actually makes sense. No sooner than you leave combat, you’re back up to full anyways. If it doesn’t kill you, you’ll be fine by the time you pick a fight with the next neutral mob.

Level 9

Inner Fire – Self buff to increase armor and spell power

Level 10

Disc: Penance – I heal you in the face!

Level 15

Join the Dungeon Finder!

Pick a talent! (Crowd control stuff)

Level 18

Resurrection – Hold the fucking phone. So I can join a dungeon at level 15 but I can’t res a fallen party member until level 18? Please tell me this is an oversight and will be corrected.

Disc: Holy Fire – Damage with a DoT

Level 22

PW: Fortitude – Stamina buff

Level 26

Dispel Magic – Removes 2 harmful spells from yourself or 1 beneficial spell from an enemy. I believe there is a passive when you select Holy or Disc that allows you to dispel other friendly targets.

Level 30

Talent – Movement speed stuff

Level 32

SW: Death – Damage spell that just might kill you if you’re not careful.

Disc: Rapture – Passive mana regen when your bubble is popped.

Level 34

Levitate – Yay!

Disc: Greater Heal – The bomb heal to use when Penance is on cooldown. At this point you only have 3 heals and I doubt Flash Heal will ever be mana efficient.

Level 36

Disc: Inner Focus – Reduces mana cost and increases crit chance of Flash Heal, Greater Heal, and Prayer of Healing. I’m sorry. I must have missed something. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PRAYER OF HEALING?

Level 38

Mind Control – No Mind Soothe to go with this. But that’s OK, no one has used it since Instructor Razuvious anyway. (OK, every now and again you find someone that will play with it, but since it’s so rare, the rest of the party flips out and can’t cope.)

Level 42

Mind Vision – 50,000 yard range. Whoopdedo.

Level 44

Disc: Evangelism – Passive ability to get stacks of Evangelism that reduces mana cost of Smite, Holy Fire, and Penance. (Of course, you can’t spend those stacks until level 45, and then only if you pick up the Archangel talent, which has lost its mana return component. Booo. And it’s competing with the Healing Boomerang. Guess which I’m picking? Wings or another I HEAL YOU IN THE FACE!)

Level 45

Talent, go! Healing tweaks

Disc: Grace – Passive ability to increase the healing to a target after receiving heals from your Flash Heal, Greater Heal, Spirit Shell, and Penance. Spirit Shell? What is this? I am intrigued.

Level 50

Mysticism – Passive 5% Intellect boost. With the proposed change to Int no longer increasing mana pool size, I wonder if this will eventually also incorporate some sort of mana regen or increase to Spirit.

Level 58

Disc: Pain Suppression – Don’t taze me bro! (OK, so that might not be totally appropriate for the description, but I wanted to say it anyway.)

Level 60

Talent for self preservation/healing

Level 64

Shadowfiend – Finally a mana regen tool that isn’t spec-dependent.

Level 66

Disc: Hymn of Hope – I got yer manas right here.

Level 68

Disc: Prayer of Mending – Heals go PING!!!

Level 70

Disc: PW: Barrier – Get in the bubble before I chop your balls off. Pretty please? *bats eyelashes*

Level 75

Talents for odd stuff

Level 76

Mind Sear – AoE

Level 78

Disc: Train of Thought – Finally the synergy between heals and Inner Focus. Only took 42 levels.

Level 80

Inner Will – Self buff to increase movement speed and decrease cost of instant spells.

Disc: Mastery: Shield Focus – Yay for bigger shields. Too bad we don’t see Divine Aegis ANYWHERE…

Level 84

Leap of Faith – Lifegrip!

Level 90

Most interesting talent tier of them all. Each one has different applications and will probably get swapped around a bit depending on the fight. Also, how many times will we kill our tanks with Void Shift? On accident of course! *wink*

Wow.

So what are we missing, ability-wise?

Renew. OK, as a disc priest, I don’t use it very often. As a leveling ability though, it can be crazy powerful. And if you know you’re going to be out of range of your heal target for a bit (or be silenced or otherwise incapacitated) this little baby does come in handy.

Heal. No big deal. I hated having Heal on my bars and never touched it. When I had a set bonus that used it I cried bitterly and still refused to cast it.

Binding Heal. BIG deal. I use this puppy all the time.

Divine Hymn. OK, I don’t use it as often as I should, but it still comes in handy.

Prayer of Healing. I think this one may show up when you select your spec as either Holy or Disc. It’s not listed in either spell list and it’s not found on the talent trees, but I have a skill that mentions it. If PoH somehow gets removed from disc, we will have NO group healing capability. (Prayer of Mending doesn’t count.)

Divine Aegis. A core part of the absorb mechanic and it’s gone. Hopefully baked in.

Mass Dispel. Gone? Hope not, it’s pretty fucking handy, even after the cast time increase.

Shackle Undead. Perhaps replaced by the Void Tendrils talent. Since using it always goes roughly like, “OK, priest shackle star, and OMG what is the ret pally doing?!!?” “NOMNOMNOM I KILL ALL UNDEAD! PEWPEWPEW” I probably won’t miss it much.

Fade. Have a talent to buff it, but no actual skill. Oops?

Holy Nova. I want my little yellow asplodey. It makes me feel like I’m contributing in clusterfuck AoEs.

Fear Ward. Very situational, but not having it when you need it sucks.

Shadow Protection. Were protection auras also removed from pallies? This seems a bit odd to take away.

And the big one for me, WHERE IN THE HELL IS MY ATONEMENT!!!1!!!111 I’m hoping this gets baked directly into selecting discipline as my talent spec. There is the talent in the level 90 bracket, Vampiric Dominance, But I think that’s more of an extension for Vampiric Touch. Not to mention, if it’s only available at level 90, that would destroy the fun of disc leveling with Atonement. If they took away atonement because they want to incorporate something similar with the new monk class I shall be quite vexed.

clearcasting

Catch the fish by using fishing rod More Games … More FunKids Who Played This Game Also Played Chinese version of deep-sea fishing in the energy Control your ball of energy to fish it, each time…



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I’ve been playing videogames for about 20 years now, and in that amount of time I like to think that I’ve become a pretty darn talented player..

I finish all my games, hunt down secrets and power-ups, and generally wipe the floor with would-be opponents. Admittedly, most of my opponents over the years haven’t been true gamers; for some unfathomable reason, most of my friends just haven’t been into videogames. So – as you can imagine – when one of the poor bastards picked up a controller and challenged me to a round or two, the results were pretty much invariable: Joey would reign supreme.

Although it’s arguable how fun these challenges truly were, one thing is certain: they led me to believe that I was some kind of gaming legend, unlike other gamers, unlike other men. Whispers were heard of my prowess the world over. I was great and I knew it.

Hell yeah, bitches.

Now, you should know I’ve never really been into online gaming. As a huge fighting game fan, most of my early online experiences were focussed on these types of games, which are utterly ruined by lag. With a bad internet connection at the time, I abandoned my online adventures. I have since upgraded my internet, but with the unpleasant taste that was left in my mouth by a laggy Soul Calibur IV, I was hesitant to try out the online arena again. Until recently that is.

It was a regular Tuesday night at home, nothing particularly out of the ordinary. I got home from work, made myself a ham sandwich and sat down to enjoy some quality gaming time. As I flicked through my collection, and deliberated what my game of choice for the evening would be, I found the whimsical sideway looks of Ryu and Ironman to have a particularly charming glow, and popped Marvel vs. Capcom 3 into my PS3.

My love for comics and fighters is well known here on GGTL, so it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that I’m still playing the hell out of Marvel vs. Capcom 3. However, I hadn’t really jumped into the online experience of the game. I’d tried a fight or two, but normally signed out quickly, as soon as a hint of lag reared its ugly head. That Tuesday night, however, things were different. The internet and I were getting along brilliantly, and I was ready to take some noob kids to school. My first challenger – we’ll call him ‘ScoobyNoob23′ – did wonders to rouse my spirits. I stepped into the ring with She-Hulk, Trish and Captain America, and as I realised that ‘Scooby’ had chosen Sentinel, Iron-Man and Ryu, I simultaneously felt intense feelings of both relief and dread. Relief because the cheap Sentinel–Iron-Man combo is oh-so-popular amongst noobs, and dread because with his cheap characters, this noob might just beat my legendary skill down with some dumb luck.

‘Scooby’ never knew what hit him. I walked out of that fight with my three characters intact, and Scooby declined a rematch. ‘Who’s next?’ I thought, feeling like Daniel-san, post Mr Miyagi training. My next challenger popped up soon enough.

We’ll call him ‘SoulCrushingRealityCheck85′, or just ‘EgoKiller’ for short.

‘EgoKiller’ walked into the ring with Dante, Akuma and Zero, against my She-Hulk, Trish, and Captain America trio. She-Hulk is my heavy hitter; I start off most fights with her, and then leave her in reserve to deal out some heavy punishment if my other characters are taking too much heat. I blinked twice and she was down. As I felt the cold sweat travel down the back of my neck, I paired my Trish against his Dante, and after some grueling fighting, just as I was about to take that cocky, white-haired douchebag out, ‘EgoKiller’ switched him and came down on me with fury as Akuma. Poor Trish never stood a chance. Captain America was my last hope. A few charging stars and shield throws later, Cap’s lifeless body lay on the ground, looking up at me. I had failed my fighters, and I was pissed.

‘I’ll get him on this rematch’, I thought. Five rematches later, I had managed to take down one or two of his characters, but hadn’t won a single match. At the end of my fifth utter defeat, a message pops on my screen: “Your utter incompetence is no longer amusing. You are no legend. Thou art nought but a noob”.

Okay, what he actually said was “Good fights” as he signed out, but I knew what he really meant. I now had a personal vendetta. An arch-nemesis.

I watched YouTube videos of MvC3 during my lunch break at work. I stayed up until 2am, polishing my skills in the challenge and practice modes. And, three gruelling days later, I was ready. I had added ‘EgoKiller’ as a friend, waited for him to show up and challenged him to a game. As he accepted, my hands were shaking, but I walked into that fight feeling like Bruce Lee; this was a wild jungle but I was Stallone. Sure, this guy was my own personal terminator, but I was Sarah freaking Connor, and I was ready.

I cannot even begin to describe the utterly humiliating asskicking that followed. Nothing I tried worked. Those perfectly timed combos I had mastered? I couldn’t even manage to set them up. As the fight ended, I pondered for a moment whether or not I should even attempt a rematch, but only for a moment. I was seeing red, and as our second fight started I attacked this guy with a fury. I used every cheap move I could think of, recalled every combo I ever learned, switched characters in and out quicker than I ever had. It came down to Zero and She-Hulk, and as that beautiful green lady delivered that final punch, the sheer elation of victory that filled my body was overwhelming. I jumped up and down like a two year old, and not even the soul-destroying pain I felt when I stubbed my little toe on my bedpost was enough to bring me down. I had won. I was legendary once more. This was what gaming was all about.

EgoKiller beat me to a bloody pulp in all of the next three fights.

I’ll keep fighting online, though. I’m craving that feeling of elation like a junkie. I’ve discovered online gaming and there’s no going back.

Gamer’s Guide to Life.com | we.know.games

Neighbor, scribe, and legislator Bernie Hunhoff spent his holiday dinner picking up on a theme I’ve addressed often on these pages: the myth of South Dakota’s amazingly lower cost of living. Hunhoff looks at my favorite cost-of-living summary page and finds that in the third quarter of 2011, the cost of living in South Dakota [...]
Madville Times

The Belgian artist Rene Magritte has a valuable lesson to share with us all about the nature of video games: “Ceci n’est pas une pipe”, or “This is not a pipe”.

We see a pipe in the painting, but there’s no pipe there. We see a picture of a pipe, but we cannot use it to inhale stimulants or clout our incompetent servants on the ear when they bring us the wrong brand of inhalable stimulants. Dammit, Jeeves, I only smoke Big League Chew, I don’t care if the local tobacconist doesn’t carry it or that it’s actually children’s gum in the shape of tobacco!

Likewise, when we play a video game, we aren’t the hero. Take any of the Grand Theft Auto games, for example. Tommy Vercetti, Carl Johnson and Niko Bellic are men who exude a quiet confidence that commands respect from the lowest of criminal scum to the highest echelons of political power. But when you or I control them, these men are lunatics who blow stoplights by weaving between lanes of traffic at 80 miles per hour, not because they’re being hotly pursued by Johnny Law, but because that stoplight is between them and a food cart that will allow them to eat 20 hot dogs in a row in order to vomit in front of my wife for her delight and disgust.

I have decided to bridge the gap between the simulated worlds that our characters inhabit and the certifiably insane ways in which we, the players, behave when we ‘live’ in them. I have chosen the ancient and noble art of fan fiction to aid me in this task.

Here, then, is a saga of Skyrim, featuring the words and deeds of the Dragonborn as he truly lived. And, indeed, as you truly play him.

The Miracle of the Sudden Cheese

From the Saga of the Dragonborn

Hark, and listen, for I tell you truly a tale of magic and miracle. Bright was the day and blue was the sky, when the strong-hearted Dragonborn came upon the modest village.

Blessings of Akatosh surely smiled upon Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, that day, for the Great Hero himself came unto her own home, and did grimly endeavour to conquer the stout lock that barred his entry, so great was his desire to make witness to the miracle to come.

“Damn,” swore the Hero, and “Crap” was his oath, as a score of lockpicks shattered at the touch of his mighty fingers, as had so many foes fallen before his blade.

Fortune favoured the brave, as ever, for the hour of the day turned from 7:59 to 8:00, and lo, the stubborn lock relented and gave way at his touch, for this was the time of Many Locks Suddenly Opening, for reasons man may not know and the gods may not divulge.

The hoarfrost riming his beard gave way to the heat of the hearth, creating a mighty puddle, a cold-slick ocean of drips that would verily be a pain in the ass for Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, to clean.

Straight-faced and ruddy of hue, Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, greeted her honoured guest warmly, and boldly did she bear witness as the Dragonborn bravely ignored her and did honorably rifle through her possessions and spend many a minute flipping through her books.

But these shameful books pleased him not, and he spake aloud, saying in words of thunder: “Lame, no skill point upgrades.”

Then did Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, feel a desire stirring within her to sit in a chair in another room, there to stare at the wall with great intensity and at great length, a pastime beloved of all peoples of Skyrim, for reasons man may not know and the gods may not divulge.

Strange sounds did she hear, a thumping and clattering as of chests being opened and middens being raided, but she stirred not, for such was her great love for staring at walls.

In time, she rose to find the Dragonborn, Great Hero of Our Age, standing before her, and he spake aloud, saying in words like the clash of glaciers, “You can keep this junk, it’s too heavy to carry.”

Then did Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, witness a great miracle, for lo, the Dragonborn suddenly emitted from his body a great bounty: weapons forged of iron, armour of leather and hide, many bottles of wine and a wheel of cheese most tempting to look upon.

Wherefrom did these things come, that they should appear as if from thin air in front of the Dragonborn and clatter to the ground in such disarray? So wondered Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, and so too did she wonder, ‘Why do these miraculous goods look so familiar, like unto the goods I had carefully arranged upon mine shelves and in mine dresser?’ Truly, it was a mystery, the reason of which man may not know and the gods may not divulge.

Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, known as Grimglare for her steely disposition, then gave birth to a smile for the first time in many years. For truly, the Dragonborn was as great a doer of deeds and bringer of wonders as the tales had told. Here, at last, was the man who would deliver her people from suffering.

“By the way,” uttered the Great Hero, in words that rumbled like a herd of mammoths, “I accidentally killed your husband outside. I stealthed up and stabbed him with a mace because I thought he was a bandit.”

“But it turns out he wasn’t,” sang the Dragonborn in words that roared like a great fall of water, “See you later.”

- So ends the Saga of the Dragonborn’s Miracle -

Have you enjoyed my tale? If so, perhaps I will share the story of the Dragonborn’s Feast of Lightning. The Great Hero of Our Age was at the edge of death, when in the blink of an eye, the Dragonborn ate a score of foodstuffs, returning him to full hale hearth and heartiness from whence to deliver a killing blow to his astounded opponent.

“Ten cabbages and more have I eaten in the space of a moment’s breath,” spake he, “I cannot be defeated.”

But that is a tale for another time.

Gamer’s Guide to Life.com | we.know.games